The things people carry around inside can be so big and no one ever knows the magnitude of pain or guilt or whatever unless we choose to share it. I'm so glad Marissa did. So very glad. I never had a clue she felt that way.
I told her right there in that store that loss is loss. Grief and pain are still grief and pain. It doesn't matter who or what we lose. The fact that Jaime was my daughter doesn't mean that my pain was worse or more significant than the loss of her special sister.
When we got into the car after leaving the shop, we talked some more. I just didn't want to let the conversation drop. I had to make sure she understood that her feelings, fears, dreams, whatever...are so important and special to me. I reminded her again that she can share anything with her Daddy and me and that whatever it is won't make us love her any less. Her feelings are never too scary or big or bad or anything to share. We talked about how feelings can get bigger than they should be or scarier or whatever sometimes until we release and share them. Then the scariness or importance can be put into place or erased or whatever.
I treasure the moments we can really talk and share and they really make me miss the days Jaime and I used to do the same thing.
I love my kids. Brandon and Marissa...keep talking to me anytime. I want to hear and share. I want to love you. I want you to feel loved and important and special, because you are...and what you feel matters so much to me.